It's All Relative

This last week was a rough one. When calling back to schedule what I'd thought to be routine extra baseline views as a follow-up for my first mammogram (yay, family history- can't be too safe), it quickly became evident it wasn't as routine as I'd thought. I was bounced around for a few hours of phone tag from one scheduler to the next, including the biopsy nurse. When I finally got to the right person, I was told to allot 2 hours. For a follow-up to a 10-minute test, yikes. And the first had already been enough to know they're not enjoyable.

This gnawed at me in the background all week.

My appointment was first thing Friday morning. I arrived, as bright eyed as one can for something of this nature. After some nervous time in the waiting room, I was lead back to the second waiting room, where I changed into a gown for more hurry-up-and-wait. Within a few minutes, the first tech came and lead me to the screening room.

She was wonderful-- much more calming and easy than the first I'd had. While still painful, it was not nearly the scene from my prior visit. Within minutes we were done. I'd been told before taking the extra slides that the ultrasound to follow was scheduled "just in case" and that we'd see after these films were done if it was even necessary. Next thing I know, I'm asked to go back to the waiting room and to remain in my gown. After the doctor reviewed, I'd know how to proceed. On my way out the door, however, I saw the films she was looking at-- and the big blotch circled on each of them. A big, white circular mass that looked the size of a ping pong ball, showing on each slide and a big circle, as if it would be hard to otherwise notice. There was no mistaking then why I was called back.

The first tech had given me a survey to fill out as I waited for the next. By all of the info being requested, I could see that I wouldn't be able to complete it until finished, but I was grateful to have something else on which to concentrate. I suspect that was on purpose. I couldn't read the book I had with me because I was far too distracted. I could feel the knot in my stomach twisting tighter.

After what was probably only a few minutes, but seeming like an hour, I was called by the next tech. The ultrasound was uncomfortable, but more mentally than physically. What was happening to me? Does this mean I have breast cancer? What could that huge lump be? How often does this happen?

When she was done, she asked me to wait in the room while she conferred with the doctor. Just hang out and relax. Uh, yeah, if by "relax" she meant "try really hard not to cry", I was doing a decent job. Having had enough ultrasounds of other parts of my body, I knew this part was pretty routine, having to wait for the radiologist to review, etc. Still, that little fact wasn't very consoling this time around.

Next came the part that hadn't ever happened for me-- she arrived with the doctor in tow. "The doctor wants to speak to you....". My throat tightened and I must have been 3 shades of Casper.

Thankfully, his lead was "It's good news!". Wow, alrighty. He explained the whole process, why they had me in, and that the ultrasound showed that it was just a random mass of tissue, not a tumor. "EET EES NOT A TUMAH", as the movie quote goes. I'm just home to a nice mass of tissue that decided to make a home for itself, but kindly flattens out when pushed by an u/s wand, showing its harmlessness.

Whew!! Having been down the cancer road once before, I have to say, some things just put others all in perspective. I didn't really realize just how stressed I'd been lately, especially with all of the other (non-trivial, but comparatively not horrendous) health stuff going on, work stuff, etc. until I fully exhaled. The rest of the day, by comparison, was cake.

This morning, for the first time in a while, I woke up, the weather was gorgeous, I got in a nice walk, and had more energy than I've had in months. What an amazing day to be alive.